You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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