i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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