You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
