is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
