The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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