remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
