Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
