3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
