I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
