Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
