im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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