Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
