I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
