nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i came on her dog
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
