once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
