My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
