I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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