So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
