Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
