did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
