WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
