I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
