the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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