Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Are we still banned from the library?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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