Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
