my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
