Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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