What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
COCAINE IS GR8
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
