there's paper in my vomit.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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