I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
