I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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