he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
