i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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