Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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