why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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