literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
