I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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