What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
