I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
