Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
