My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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