Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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