I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
