you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
