Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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