Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
