this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
