i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
