There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
