i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
