the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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