do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I have tasted many bathrooms
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
