dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
