The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
