Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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